Melvins

Next time you’re wandering through the Deathberry woods, be sure to not leave anything behind. You may notice something move in the corner of your eye, something that looked like a squirrel but you’re pretty certain it was wearing a bright, red fez.

These fanged, furry critters are Melvins. While they may be adorable and are quite literally ‘treehuggers’, the forests they watch over are not to be trifled with. If they find any damage you may have caused to their tree friends, they will hunt you down. But don’t worry, it’s not quite as sinister as their giant fangs may imply.

The Melvins, after years of schooling to earn their fezzes and vests, won’t hunt down litterbugs for vengeance. They’re coming to educate you with pamphlets and hours upon hours of lectures regarding sustainability and maintaining a healthy ecosystem.

It would actually be unlikely that you would ever see a Melvin that isn’t wearing a fez since their penchant toward forestry is so culturally ingrained in their species. There has only been one Melvin who went a different way, finding her own path as a lighthouse keeper. We don’t talk about her. Don’t ask.

If you want to remain on their good side, a side that will reward you with free apples whenever in need, simply do one thing when you’re walking through the woods:
Be like a Melvin.

Get your own Melvin on T-Shirt!


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